Recurrence
by aureaborealis
Summary: For Peter, loving someone always resulted in their death. Without family or friends, he wanders alone; lost, blaming himself. When he finds out the girls he loved were part of a recurrence, where a part of the previous soul was incarnated into a new girl, he desperately searches for the next girl of the cycle. Will he be able to bring her to safety, rescue her from a terrible fate?
1. Prologue

_**Recurrence **_

_**(16.3.2014)**_

**Prologue**

My eyes were closed, my left hand gripping the veil of magical green dust tightly. In my other hand I held pictures of three different girls, friends I had lost some time ago.

Sprinkling some pixie dust over my head, I tried to think of happy thoughts. Thoughts that would lift my spirit, and me as well. Soon, I felt my feet dangling above the ground and the wind rushing through my hair as I sailed over the black water. Away from the island called Neverland, where time stood still, and towards the second star to the right.

As my feet met the ground, my provision of happy thoughts and pixie dust running low, the first rays of sunlight shone on my face. A new day in a new world.

Looking around, I noticed I was standing at the edge of my hometown, the natural wall of tall evergreens secluding it from the rest of the world. How many times had I played hide-and-seek with Lillya?

The market was buzzing with people, already so early in the morning. The sound of people bargaining and the sight and smell of different foods filled my senses. How many times had I walked along here with Irene? As I walked through the crowded area, I couldn't help but think that this world seemed to forget that five years ago Sage had walked these streets. I was somewhat glad that it had been mere weeks for me. At least I hadn't forgotten her.

Some children were running along, singing a nursery rhyme.

"Back when the leaves would fall down

a little child would drown

The lake wasn't as shallow as it seemed

No one came to save her as she screamed"

"Back when the heat was bearable

a small girl would've felt something terrible

Fell on a rock, cracked her skull, the blood began to run

No one came to save her from what had been done"

"Back when the flowers would bloom

a young woman would meet her doom

Pale as the moon, a fever so high

No one came to save her as she was about to die"

"The girls with the golden-brown eyes

all met their unfortunate demise

Some say they were cursed, some say it was meant to be

in our town, we call it the mystery of the three"

—

**With Lillya.  
**

_"Is Lillya sick? I haven't seen her at school in the past few days."_

_"Peter, remember when I told you about your parents..they are somewhere up in the clouds, watching over you. Lillya is doing the same."_

_"What? I don't understand..."_

_"She went swimming in the lake, only she never returned home..some boys found her cold body yesterday. Lillya is in a better place now."_

**With Irene.  
**

_"Do you now where Irene is? She was supposed to meet me."_

_"Peter, she...my sister is never going to play with you again..."_

_"Why? What happened?"_

_"She tripped and hit her head on the way to you. There was so much blood, Peter...so much blood. Irene died."_

**With Sage.  
**

_"How is she?"_

_"Oh Peter, the fever was killing her. Those dark-blue splotches on her skin, they turned black. She..."_

_"What happened? Can I see her now?"_

_"Sage hasn't woken up since you came to visit her last time. Her skin is ice-cold now, she isn't breathing anymore. I'm so sorry, Peter. She passed away.'_

—

I continued walking, inwardly cringing at the deeper meaning the song had for me. I had loved those girls, and they had been ripped out of my life, , she had been such a brave and adventurous young girl. Irene, she had been so friendly and bright; her presence could light up the room. Sage, she was a strong and brilliant woman, always seeking for more knowledge. They all were so different, and yet alike: their golden-brown eyes had been the same, even with the green specks in the exact spots.

Five years after Lillya's death, when I was thirteen, a new girl had moved to our town with her seven older brothers. I had made friends with Irene, her being the only one understanding how difficult it was growing up without real parents.

Five years after Irene's death, when I was eighteen, a new girl had moved to our town, taking care of her sickly grandmother. I was instantly drawn to Sage's presence, and our relationship had become more.

After Sage's death, I had become desperate. I kept looking for a explanation as to why the ones I loved kept dying. Was fate this cruel? I was searching for a connection between the girls, as well. This had led me to go to the fortune-teller in our small town, Persephone. She was an old blind woman, who sold books along her telling of your fortune. How many times had I visited her shop with Sage?

Before I had known about Neverland, I had gone to Persephone once.

**With Persephone.  
**

_"Oh dear boy. Peter, isn't it?"_

_"I haven't even told you my name, let alone said anything till now."_

_"You don't have to say anything at all, that's the beauty of it. While you stand in this room right now, I just know what's happening. So, Peter, what about the girls?"_

_"How? I never mentioned anybody!"_

_"I don't need eyes to tell you a desperate, your voice is giving you away. All I can tell you is: in five years she will be coming back, the cycle is never broken._

_"What cycle? What girl?"_

Stepping into the familiar shop, I was greeted by the smell of old leather, pressed paper and used ink.

"Why Peter! It's been five years here in this world and you haven't aged at all!" Persephone smiled from behind the counter, her blurry grey eyes staring directly into mine.

"It seems to be same with you. And I'm still eighteen. I was only gone for a couple of days, but I guess time goes by differently in other realms." I dropped my bag on the floor and hugged the woman who had become like a mother to me.

"I have my creams, you have the power of Neverland. So, why did you come back?" She grinned, but her face quickly changed to a mask of confusion.

"It's been five years, the cycle will be continuing."

I needed to protect _her_. I needed to get _her _to safety, to Neverland. This time, _she_ would live forever with me. _I was going to find the recurrence_.

* * *

**Hey everybody,**

**so...a new panfic! And this time Pan will be good, I swear! **

**I apologize in advance if it seems all confusing with the times...**

**So this is just the prologue...kinda like the beta-version of a video game (then again, not like that)..****but you get the idea...**

**I had this stuck in my mind for some time and I just needed to start the fic and claim the idea! I will have to finish _Never looking back_ before I return to this (which would be around summer 2014)..all depends on time and how much you like it and how it is accepted!**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Once upon a Time, or Peter Pan, or anything else you recognize. Only the ideas in my head that I incorporated into this story!**

**Reviews are always appreciated!**

**Love you all and till this summer or maybe even earlier,**

**aureaborealis**


	2. Return

**Hey everybody,**

**it's been so long! SUMMER IS FINALLY HERE! God, I missed writing so much. Here is the first chapter, just for you!**

****Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Once upon a Time, or Peter Pan, or anything else you recognize. Only the ideas in my head that I incorporated into this story!****

* * *

Chapter 1

With each passing moment that I stood still, my eyes focused on some vague point in the distance, I came to the conclusion that I would freeze before the sun rose. Letting out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding, I became mesmerized by the mist evaporating before my eyes.

* * *

**With Sage.**

_"When you see your breath on a cold day, it is called condensation. The air leaving your lungs is warmer than the air outside. When you breathe out, you see your breath in the form of a white mist." Sage whispered softly, and I didn't even bother to raise an eyebrow in question._

_I saw how she shut out the rest of the world; her eyes fixated on nothing in particular, but still focused. These moments of silence I admired, I got to see how her brain worked, how she processed her surroundings and managed to voice her thoughts in a way I could understand. She had always been the one to explain how and why things worked the way they did, and I had been the one eager to listen, soaking in every word she said._

_For a split second, the edges of her mouth twitched upward to a smile. Despite the cold creeping through the layers of clothes I had on, I felt a warmth spread through my body. Sage's smiles were very rare, but they seemed to occur more often when she was with me. Then, as small snowflakes began to fall from the sky, I grabbed Sage's hands and began to dance with her; twirling around and trying to keep my feet from stepping on hers, distracting her before she could even begin to explain what snowflakes were._

_When I saw her form start to shake due to the cold, I pressed her close to me, my chin resting above her head as she splayed her hands across my chest. No doubt she would be able to feel my heartbeat quicken at our proximity; but I didn't care. I would have loved to stay in that embrace forever, frozen._

* * *

A wave of sadness overtook my body, the longing crushing my heart as tears threatened to spill. If we had gone to the woods that day dressed up more appropriately, with scarves and hats and mittens and a real jacket...or if I hadn't pushed her to go outside at all that day, maybe she wouldn't have gotten sick. Later on, a nurse had told me that Sage's immune system, more so her antibodies, didn't recover fast enough from fighting the flu, so her body was too weak and hadn't been ready to fight back a new disease that she caught. A disease which had slowly killed her.

The moment I fell to my knees, my body too rigid to slump correctly, I imagined Sage staring at me with a determined look in her eyes. Silently, she would tell me to that thinking of the past wouldn't help me with my search, that I would eventually have to let go of her.

Of course she was right, even her ghost reprimanded me in the same tone she did when she was alive- she was the all-knowing Sage- and she would always be a part of me. Like an epiphany, a fleeting moment you never wanted to forget, I dared not let go of my memories of Sage. For all the time I had been with her, it was Sage who made me realize everything in life had a specific order, even the most useless thing to one person had a special meaning to another. She had made me feel accepted, when no one else had.

A surge of energy filled my being and made me stand up and run towards the town; my muscles aching from the sudden movement. How long had I stood stiff and unmoving, only my thoughts racing? Too long.

It was foolish to wish for things that weren't in my power to change, like bringing loved ones back. The only smart thing to do, and I was sure Sage would've have agreed, was to change my future by my own actions. If I wanted to be happy, then I had to stop crying and being sad. If I was so desperate to save loved ones, then I had to protect them. If I wanted to find the recurrence once more, then I would have to start searching. And I knew exactly where to begin.

With each step I took, bringing me closer to my destination, I became more excited to see a certain face. Surely Persephone would have some information; if not, her old books would suffice. Opening the door to her shop, I felt the warmth from inside rush along the skin that wasn't covered with leather or wool.

The very next second, a form crashed against my back, pushing me inside and making me stumble. I heard a loud thud, indicating the person had fallen down and I turned around.

The woman had quickly scrambled up, in haste she picked up the bag from the floor and for a second, our eyes locked.

A certain shade of golden-brown with specks of green stared back at me, and the next second, they were gone. The girl had disappeared, run out of the shop, leaving me to stand with my mouth open in shock.

Whoever had run into me today…

_She_ was the recurrence.

"Peter, have you been outside again?"

Walking swiftly past my stone cold body, Persephone closed the door and turned towards me. From her berating tone, I could hear an impending scolding. I acknowledged her presence, except in that moment I didn't care about anything else anymore.

_She _was here!

Words couldn't begin to describe the bubbling feeling inside me; the energy about to burst when Persephone continued to speak, unfazed by my frozen yet joyful state.

"In this harsh weather, you leave the shop without a proper jacket? Don't you remember what happened to Sa..." Persephone stopped mid-sentence, my smile dropping immediately at the mention of the girl's name, the happiness vanishing as quickly as it came.

We had established that the girls were a tabu, since anything related to Lillya, Irene or Sage set me in emotional distress and misery. I would much rather wallow in my sorrow and guilt alone than have Persephone fret over me when there was nothing to save.

She cupped my cold cheeks, her nimble long fingers gently brushing against my skin. Her blurry grey eyes; the orbs that didn't see very well and yet had _seen _everything, searched mine intently, wordlessly asking for forgiveness. Instead of pulling away like every time before, I embraced her motherly gesture and concern.

"That was _her_, wasn't it?" She asked after some time, a glint of hope flashing in her eyes.

Nodding, I thought about how the second I had decided I would take fate into my own hands - that I would start looking for the recurrence - the girl had run into me. Literally. Even though it was a brief moment, when her golden-brown eyes met my blue ones, the memory would be etched in my mind forever. This wasn't exactly how I expected to find her, but I had met her nonetheless.

* * *

**With Persephone.**

_"All I can tell you is: in five years you shall met her, the girl will come back. The cycle is never broken." Persephone stated matter of factly._

_"What cycle? What girl?"_

_"Why Peter, haven't you noticed? Those girls that were so special to you are very similar. They are what some people call a 'recurrence', since they are reborn after death and inherit something from their predecessor. In your case, they all have the same eyes and..."_

_"How can I believe you? This could all be a lie, something you are making up in this moment!" I stared incredulously at the old woman._

_"The decision is yours. Either you continue to live your life, bleak as it is, or you prepare for the next recurrence. I may be blind, but one doesn't need eyes to see that you blame yourself for the unfortunate deaths of Lillya, Irene and Sage. You blame yourself for failing to protect your loved ones, and by condemning yourself to live miserably like this, you cloud your judgement and don't allow the chance at happiness to come to you. Peter, what I offer you is a happy ending: you can find the girl, fall in love and be together. If you want that, it can be yours." A sad smile grazed her lips, the lines and wrinkles around her mouth becoming more prominent. _

_Patiently, she waited for my reply. Something about her voice, a calm in the storm of thoughts in my mind, made me trust her. I believed her._

_Nodding, I made up my mind. I wanted my happy ending. But first, I needed to find the recurrence._

* * *

"Peter, that's wonderful. I...I am so happy for you!" In the corner of her eyes, I could see tears of joy forming.

"Yes, now that I don't have to search for her, all she has to do is fall in love with me. And in a year, we'll get married," I joked, her good mood infectious.

Suddenly, her smile was replaced by a grim frown; a heavy look in her eyes.

"I'm afraid I won't be able to make it that long. Remember why I sent you to Neverland, besides giving _you _the needed time? Well, _my_ time is running out..."

* * *

**So..yeah. I already have the exact idea of how the story is going to progress, it just needs to be written. Now, _Re__currence _will be more of a hobby for me, so that means no daily updates, but DEFINITELY updates! There is just so much happening in my life right now (a.k.a holidays, exchange year, family and school). Bear with me. **

**I know you readers are awesome and very cool and tolerant, and thank you for giving this story a try. If you want to read other panfics in the meantime, I suggest _Never looking back _by _aureaborealis_ or _When_ _One Day is Equal to a Thousand _by the amazingly talented _Yousaid. _**

**Reviews are always greatly appreciated and make me very happy, even if it's constructive criticism!  
**

**Till next chapter!**

**Love you all and have a great summer!**

**aureaborealis**


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